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A New Chapter

Guess where I'm going tonight? I'm going to Magee Women's Hospital, the hospital where I had Keegan, because my friend Megan had baby yesterday! I'm so excited to get to go and hold the new baby. It's also very emotional for me because just 355 days ago I was there with my new baby. Can you all believe its been almost a year since Keegan was born? I know I can't.

I know exactly whats going to happen. I'm going to go visit, see baby Charlie and immediately want another baby NOW. This is what happened when I went to visit my friend Amanda and her brand new baby girl (baby #4 mind you!) last month.

Babies and children are such blessings. If I could I would have as many as I could before my body crapped out. I just love being pregnant and I just want a loud chaotic house. I know it will be stressful but when I was growing up I always wanted to be a part of a large family. My brother didn't come along until I was almost 7 years old and so most of my childhood was so lonely. I had older cousins who were like sisters but it still didn't fill that void. It hurts me to remember that in my early years of college that I was deadset against having kids. Having Keegan has been the best experience of my life. Granted a stressful, messy, noisy and sometimes irritating experience, but it has been wonderful nevertheless.

Seriously, if I could I would start trying for another one right now. I know though that its not the right time. I need to recover from coming off of my meds and I need to finish losing the rest of my baby weight and the excess baggage that I have been carrying around. Its not fair to anyone if I try to get pregnant when I'm not in the best health that I can be. I don't want to be 7 months pregnant and unable to take care of my responsibilities around the house because I'm too heavy, thats not fair to Keegan or Chad, and its not fair to the new baby that I'm not in the best shape that I can be in.

Today is a new day.

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November 2008

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